My boyfriend has had a hard life which had made him non-chalant, what can I do about it?

My bf has been thru a hard life, it's a breakthrough that he has told me all of this without my encouragement as he keeps himself to himself. Anyway, briefly, his father who he called "sperm donor" left his mother when he was a little boy. His mother died young, and he had to stay with his aunt who he would tell me would buy his cousins new shoes whilst he'd walk in his shoes riddled with holes. Later on in his life, he sold drugs saw his friends either get put behind bars or killed. He later joined the army which toughened him up even more. Now that he's 39, he's never beene married, women in his past relationships have called him 'nonchalant' and uncaring. Instead of thinking this about him, I've decided that this 'non'chalant' attitude of his should not be blamed on him because of his life. Am I right to believe this?. Would he prefer a woman to be supportive i.e. reure him you care? or someone who gives him space? I'm confused